The Flirt Masters

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The Flirt Masters

Post by KatDoggs on Sat Mar 01, 2014 10:53 pm

Summary: Tigerwrath, Lionroar and Cherrystar decided it was time to teach all the younger toms of the clans how to flirt properly. Cheetahswift isn't dead (and he won Briarpaw). Also for the sake of the stories, all the cats are the same ages they were on Pokefarm but this is happening a few moons later. Don't question it, just roll wit it. It's just supposed to be stupid and hilarious.

"Alright, tom cats," Lionroar started off in his confident low tone. "We have been given permission by the leaders to instruct you all in the way of flirting so that you all can get a mate!"

"Then why am I here? I have Briarpaw." Cheetahswift called out defiantly.

“Hush, Cheetahswift,” Called a massive white cat who sat up by the two Terraclan brothers. The young Bengal tom lowered his green gaze to the ground and flattened his large black ears. He was clearly offended by being called out. The brothers and the white tom didn’t seem to mind, though.

The large group of toms were sitting in the Moon Meadow. Most of the cats were young warriors and apprentices. The only exceptions were Lionroar, Tigerwrath and Cherrystar; who eagerly expressed interest in helping the brothers (Perhaps to annoy Leopardfury even more, but that was simply speculation). The three large cats seemed to tower over the other younger ones. It was almost intimidating.

“I have a mate too…” Pepperpaw responded casually. Like Cheetahswift, he didn’t want to be here. He was there as punishment for still hanging out with Blackpaw and Asppaw.

“Who’s gone…” Fruitpaw coughed out. Snickers of laughter came from the other Berryclan cat’s present as they watched Pepperpaw’s ears flatten on his head.

"Now hush all of you or we will be here all day. I don't know about you, but I have things to do." Tigerwrath said quickly to get the other toms to quit their yapping.

"Like sleep you lazy good for nothing!" Cheetahswift called out at the top of his lungs. This recieved roars of laughter from Nettlepaw, Tumblepaw and Riverpaw. Flashstar had often called Tigerwrath and Lionroar 'lazy god for nothing' as well as Desertstorm. Lionroar's daughter could be seen yelling at both older toms daily. Both just went along with it, something about she-cat's being 'too troublesome.'

"Don't make me telll your mother on you!" Tigerwrath yelled back. That shut Cheetahswift up real fast. From next to him, Pantherleap, his brother, was snickering slightly. "Now, before we were interrupted, This is to help you all get a mate. You are all here because you either don't have a mate," That was most of the group there, "-You have a mate, but you don't like them romantically," Eyes all settled upon Cheetahswift at that point. It was well known that he fought for Briarpaw because then she would have a chance to continue training to be a warrior. Both he and Moonclaw had taken out Goldenstrike together and then Cheetahswift was left to win. Essentially Moonclaw threw the match so the friends could be together. "And lastly, because we said so." Tigerwrath finished.

"By now, members of Terraclan know of our superior skills in the art of getting a she-cat to fall for you." Lionroar said with a meaning full look toward the three Terraclan apprentices.

Nettlepaw frowned and stuck his tongue out in disgust. Just watching the brothers flirt with his mother was just awful. It was even worse at the Gathering last moon. That memory had scarred him for life.

"So now we have decided, with the assistance of Cherrystar, our co-conspirator, to pass on all our good fortune to you all. So, to start off, I want someone here to tell me the first thing they notice about a she-cat. What draws your attention to them?" Lionroar asked. This answer was different for every cat but he liked to hear what the toms had to say.

"How her pelt looks!" Cheetahswift called out quickly. "I'm a good looking tom, so I'm gonna get with a good looking she-cat! Duh!" Typical Cheetahswift, he only cares about the physical side. His vanity was something he inherited from his mother clearly.

"How they treat you! Who cares about looks! It's important that your mate actually treats you well or you're gonna be miserable." Hawkpaw of Emberclan called out.

"Well if that happened, I'll just get another mate. There isn't a law saying I can't have more than one!" Cheetahswift called out.

"Who cares? They're just she-cats..." Furypaw of Berryclan grumbled out.

"I agree with that..." Sunwatcher of Shineclan mumbled back to Furypaw. Both Sunwatcher and Fury paw were at the back of the group. Neither really wanted to be there. Pepperpaw was sitting back with them and he shared their sentiments.

"I suppose that they should be a good fighter." Blackpaw of Featherclan commented after a moment. "I mean, that will produce strong kits." Palmpaw nodded in agreement with his new denmate. "After all, Leopardfury and Cherrystar made Pantherleap and Cheetahswift and they're really good despite being the newest warriors of Featherclan."

"It's be good if they didn't have a mate to begin with. Fighting for a cat with a mate is a lot of trouble." Lightclaw of Featherclan added. Not many knew of his adoration toward a certain leader's mate, not even the cat of his affections. For a shecat who prided herself on being incredibly observant in the heat of battle and during every day warrior duties, she was hopeless when it came to matters of emotion.

"Well, good work tom cats, you have summed up essentially the four main things that most toms want in a mate." Lionroar mewed out, effectively stopping any side conversations. "Now imagine a cat those four qualities. Pretty, strong, nice and single; or realatively easy to fight or in the Moon of the Mates, meaning she doesn't have someone that could take you down easily." The older tom paused to let the cats imagine up their perfect she-cat. "Do you all have her in your mind?" There were a few nods from the other toms. "Now take away two of those qualities and that's what you have to work with." A sea of frowns and grumbles started popping up.

"Not every cat is perfect!" Cherrystar started quickly, before the gripes and complaints could start. "For example, let's take my mate." The cats now all focused their attention to Cherrystar. "When I first took her as a mate, she was a bit nasty and mean." No cat doubted that. "If you thought she was mean now, you should have seen her before Cheetahswift and Pantherleap were born." Snickers came from Lightclaw and the Terraclan brothers. Being Leopardfury's first apprentice, Lightclaw had an incredibly harsh training. In comparison to the deputy's son's, Lightclaw was better than them when he was named. "But I digress, not only was she a bit mean, but fighting for her was going to be incredibly difficult. I had to fight these two before I could even request her!"

"True story." Lionroar and Tigerwrath said at the same time.

"Then I had to fight old Grassrush for her paw when the Moon of the Mates came around." That match was thrown though. After all, the agreement with Leopardfury and Cherrystar (who was Cherrywing at the time) had been struck before the request had even happened. Leopardfury has asked Grassrush to throw the match and let Cherrywing win. "However she was quite the looker back then. No scar on her face, confident stance and the way she could demand your attention just by walking over to you was unreal. That and she is quite the fighter. Even now she's pretty damn good looking, but I never said that. Her ego is far too large and I don't need to get caught making it larger."

"Too late." Snickers arose from the group of toms as the form of Leopardfury, Meteorwisp and Pumaclaws padded onto the scene.

Cherrystar couldn't help but break out into a cold sweat as the voice of his rang over the group of toms. His pupils widened and slowly his crimson gaze turned to look at the three she cats with him. Both Meteorwisp and Leopardfury seemed to be ganing weight. It wasn't very noticeable but Cherrystar knew the reason behind it. Thankfully his mate didn't look mad at him, but he knew that sometimes Leopardfury would strike when he least expected it. It could be tomorrow for all he knew. As of right now, she seemed cheerful and it looked like she had been laughing at the group of them.

"Hey! Toms only no she-cat allowed!" Tigerwrath whined out to the three.

"Yeah! no she-cats!" Lionroar called out after his brother.

"What they said!" Cherrystar called out right after the brothers.

"Yeah! No she-cats allowed!" Howled the large group of toms cats.

"Dear Starclan, they've formed a cult." Leopardfury remarked in a mocking tone to her she-cat companions. "We should have brought Bloodblaze."

"She'll be mad that she missed this. It's a shame Flashstar is busy with Lightningpaw, she would be getting a kick out of this." Meteorwisp responded nonchalantly.

The group of toms were still eyeing the she-cats warily. Slowly the larger toms inched away from the she-cat intruders. Once they were closer to the younger ones, Cherrystar flicked his tail and motioned for the other cats to join them. Soon they were all huddled together trying to come up with a plan. Cherrystar had decided to keep watch while Tigerwrath and Lionroar thought up a plan to drive the she-cats away.

"Okay, so here's what we do. They're invading on our teaching time, so they are going to be our test subjects." Lionroar started off quickly. "We need to separate them. She-cats stick together in packs to frighted toms, so we gotta lure them away from each other."

"They travel in packs? Like everywhere?" Young Owlpaw of Featherclan asked curiously. He was very new to clan life and he hardly spoke two words to any cat in or outside his clan. He had yet to attend a gathering as Owlpaw.

"Even to the Dirt Place!" Tigerwrath exclaimed with a whisper.

"Especially to the Dirt Place." Lionroar responded quickly.

"No they don't, they're just yanking your tail." Pepperpaw deadpanned.

"Yes they do Pepperpaw!" Palmpaw mewed out quickly. "Bluebell and Meteorwisp did it all the time! And Leopardfury and Meteorwisp do it too... Except their gone way longer than when Meteorwisp did it with Bluebell."

"Dear Starclan, they don't always! Pumaclaws doesn't go to the Dirt place with anyone." Pepperpaw replied exhasperatedly.

"She does with Nightwing when she's being civil." Fruitpaw pointed out casually.

"So never?" Furypaw snickered out.

"How do you even know this, Fruitpaw?" Pepperpaw fired back quickly.

"Look, all of you, shut up." Tigerwrath hissed quickly. "I have a plan!"

"Good, because they look suspicious." Cherrystar said quickly. His crimson gaze was focused on the group of toms. All three of them looked at them curiously, Leopardfury was suspicious more than anything. Pumaclaws looked slightly suspicious but not as much as her sister. Meteorwisp just looked confused more than anything.

"Palmpaw, you're going to lead Meteorwisp over to the Berryclan stone. She'll do anything for you so that will be easy." Tigerwrath mewed quickly. "Lightclaw, you're in charge of dragging Leopardfury over to Featherclan's stone and Fruitpaw will take Pumaclaws over towards Terraclan's stone. Got it you three?"

"Got it!" The three voices mewed out quickly.

"Okay go!" Without any delay, the three toms in question rushed out to distract their respective she-cats. Meteorwisp instantly followed Palmpaw without a second thought. All he had to do was start play fighting with her and the marbled beauty was off chasing her apprentice and having a grand time. By the time she had caught up to him, they were at their destination and the two just kept wrestling each other.

Fruitpaw was able to work his magic with Pumaclaws. She was slightly suspicious of her brother, but she still went along with her apprentice. It couldn't be that bad, whatever her brothers were planning.

Lightclaw had some difficulty with his former mentor. She knew that her brothers were planning something but she just wasn't sure what. After some coaxing, Lightclaw brought out his secret weapon. "So I'm working on this new fighting move and I need your help testing it in a fight." At the mention of fight, Leopardfury had completely forgotten about her good for nothing brother's and she was all ears for Lightclaw.

"It worked! Nice call brothers!" Cherrystar mewed out in surprise as all three she-cats separated. "You are clearly the masters here."

"Glad it worked. Now stage two is action. We didn't get a chance to show you how to flirt, but I believe most of you have seen how we work our magic, yes?" There were nods from the group. "Good so I'm going to count you off in threes. Ones will go with Tigerwrath and Pumaclaws, twos will go with Cherrystar and Leopardfury and threes will go with me and Meteorwisp. We're going to show these three she-cats that we have skills. Got it?"

"Got it!" The toms replied in unison.

The counting off went quickly and soon the groups were formed. After some switching about (meaning Cheetahswift and Pantherleap were switched with Clashfang and Thunderclaw into Lionroar's group because flirting with their aunt was weird) the cats were off bombarding their designated she-cats with their so called skills.

"Well hello Leopardy!" Cherrystar called to his mate cheerfully as his group of young toms came padding up to her.

"What do you want, Cherrystar?" She deadpanned. Her golden eyes narrowed and she scanned over the group of cats.

"Can't a tom express to his mate and these lovey young toms, how much he adores you? Mother of my kits!" The large white cat asked as he rubbed his head up against her cheek. "Just look at you, you're positively glowing!"

"You sure it's not because her pelt is gold with spots on it?" Owlpaw called out curiously.

"They're called rosettes, mousebrain!" Nettlepaw called out, still not wanting to be there. He was slightly amused by the Featherclan Deputy's face though. She seemed unimpressed.

"Cherrystar is right, you know." Lightclaw commented, catching on to the whole scheme that was happening. "Just look at her eyes! They're like two golden suns!"

"Not even the sun can compare to her eyes!" Speckledpaw of Berryclan called out from behind Cherrystar.

"Right you are! The sun pales in comparison to the beautiful golden glow that your eyes give! Should I ever have to chose between the sun and you, the I should just go live in Shineclan and never see the light of day ever again!" Lightclaw mewed out dramatically as he could.

"I wouldn't mind that if it would make you all shut up." Leopardfury snarled out, glaring at her mate.

Cherrystar couldn't help but smile at Leopardfury's dismay. "Have you ever seen a cat as pretty as she?" He asked his group. "A cat with a beautifully spotted pelt, incredibly soft fur and such an elegant thin body?"

"Never in my life, Cherrystar! You're mate is simply divine! I should hope I am as lucky as you when I ge my own mate!" Called Blackpaw in a mock dramatic voice. He figured that he may as well do it. At least he could try or else it was a waste of a day.

"I wish you luck, young Blackpaw!"

"What about the scars on her face?" Owlpaw asked quietly. All of a sudden, the small group went silent.

"Mousebrain! That's not flirting!" Speckledpaw yelled, giving away the entire plan.

"You all are mouse brains if you think I would fall for that!" Leopardfury barked out. "Is this what these idiots have been teaching you?" She was answered with a few rapid nods from all the cats, including Cherrystar. "Idiotic good for nothing brothers..." Leopardfury growled out. She glanced over to Pumaclaws, who was now walking over to her followed by Tigerwrath and his group of cats.

"Figure it out?" She asked her sister.

"Yup."

"Plotting revenge?"

"Yup."

"About to show them all up?"

"Yup."

"Wait, how did you figure it out so quickly?" Cherrystar asked Pumaclaws curiously. He still felt incredibly bad for what he had done to her during the fight for Meteorwisp but it was all water under the tree bridge to Pumaclaws.

"Yeah, that was my fault." Tigerwrath said quickly. He had a sheepish and guilty grin on his face. "Trying to flirt with your sister is really gross... But Fruitpaw here did a fabulous job once he caught on!" At the mentin of his name, Fruitpaw hid behind his mentor. Though at this point, her was taller than her so he had to squat down to hide behind her. "I couldn't keep character long enough and I just broke down. And Tumblepaw and Riverpaw let me down here! At least Sunwatcher tried!"

"He started laughing as hard as he could. There was a moment when I thought he would die because he was laughing so much and not breathing." Pumaclaws replied seriously. "I may know a lot about herbs from my three moons of being forced to stay in the Medicine Cat den, but not even I could fix him if he died from not breathing."

"Alright mousebrains, lets go save Meteorwisp from her torture." Leopardfury mewed out in a commanding tone.

Meanwhile, Meteorwisp seemed to be doing just fine on her own. Lionroar was quite charming. Even Palmpaw was acting like quite the little charmer. Clearly he had learned something from the Gathering when she was still Meteorstar. Both Pantherleap and Cheetahswift were able to mimic Tigerwrath and Lionroar quite well. The older tom brothers had clearly put a lot of work into the toms. Koipaw was slightly more timid but he added to the comedic flirting group on occasions.

"Your kits will be absolutely stunning, Meteorwisp!" Pantherleap mewed out kindly.

"Even Starclan themselves will be jealous at how perfect they will be!" Cheetahswift added.

"A perfect cat is obviously gonna have perfect kits!" Palmpaw mewed quickly. "They're gonna be pretty and strong and super nice like you, Meteorstar!"

"It's Meteorwisp, Palmpaw." Meteorwisp corrected him.

"You'll always be Meteorstar to me!" He responded loyaly.

"As cute as that was, I may vomit now." Cut in the voice of Leopardfury. The group of tom cats quickly made room for the deputy to get to Meteorwisp. "At least I can tell Briarpaw that Cheetahswift gets his smooth moves from both sides of the family and not just from Cherrystar."

"I don't flirt with her!" Cheetahswift mewed out defiantly.

"That's not what she told us last night!" Meteorwisp mewed out cheerfully, completely oblivious to what had just transpired.

Yowls of laughter filled the air and soon all attention was focused on Cheetahswift as he tried to deny that all his feelings toward Briarpaw was just him being a good friend to her. While the attention was off of the two she-cats, Leopardfury moved closer to the new member of Featherclan. She pressed her muzzle against the marbled cat'scheek and lightly licked it and she placed a few licks on her forehead and chin.

"I will say," She murmured into the other she-cat's ear, " as stupid as my sons can be, they were right about one thing?" Leopardfury's voice was low and sultry sounding. Her soft pelt was pressed firmly against the snowy colored cat's.

"What might that be?" Meteorwisp's normally higher pitched and cheery voice had also lowered down and sounded quite raspy. She pressed her brow against Leopardfury's muzzle gently and moved so that her pelt was pressed very firmly against Leopardfury's.

"You are perfect. Gorgeous and just stunning. You're lucky you aren't scarred like me." By now, Meteorwisp knew that Leopardfury resented being scarred. She had prided herself and her fabulous looks eversince Meteorwisp had known her. Ever since her first gathering, Leopardfury and her grogeous pelt stood out among the massive throng of cats. At her first gathering as an apprentice was the first gathering that Leopardfury was attending as a warrior. Her facial scar had happened before her kits as it happened in a Moon of the Mates fight. She had requested to be the protector of Webpaw, her apprentice at the time. The tom that she fough had cheated and used claws against her. She barely left him alive. Cherrystar had to intervene so the tom wouldn't die.

"You earned them by protecting someone you cared about. That is honorable." Meteorwisp insisted quietly. "Besides, battle scars are very appealing." She finished her statement with a small snicker.

Leopardfury smirked at her companion when she finished. "Well you little flirt, it seems we have bothered these poor toms enough."

"Let's go tell Bloodblaze what she missed!" Meteorwisp whispered excitedly.

"Good plan." Tuurning her attention to the toms, who were still mocking Cheetahswift and now Palmpaw and Fruitpaw for some reason, she called out to them "We're leaving now. Have fun with your little training session."

"Good!" Lionroar and Tigerwrath called out. "No she-cats allowed!" The other tom cats echoed the self named 'Flirt Masters' as the two cat's left.

"Wait what am I then?" Pumaclaws asked curiously.

Lionroar and Tigerwrath both looked at each other. Neither spoke but they seemed to communicate mentally. Finally they both nodded, deciding that they reached an agreement.

"You're just a sister." Tigerwrath said to her casually.

"Yeah, you don't count." Lionroar replied.

"Yeah!" The other toms echoed.

Pumaclaws rolled her eyes. "Oh Starclan save us, they've created a cult..."
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KatDoggs

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